How to Overcome Mom Guilt
I don’t remember feeling a lot of guilt before I had kids.
Ok, maybe for eating too much candy in one sitting. But when I became a mom, guilt became much more prevalent in my life. It seemed to take on a life of its own.
There was always something to feel guilty about.
As moms, we often feel guilty for working.
We feel guilty for not working.
We feel guilty for not spending enough time playing with the kids.
We feel guilty because we played with the kids and didn’t get the house clean.
The list goes on and on.
Sometimes it seems like we can’t win.
There are enormous expectations from society, the media, family, and friends about what mothers “should be like” and what we “should do.”
Should a mom return to work or not?
Be a homemaker or bread-winner?
Feed her kids all organic food?
Being a mother can be filled with anxiety, stress, chaos, and sometimes we become our own worst critics.
But we need to stop letting guilt, shame and fear consume us.
Here is how I overcame mom guilt, and how you can, too!
Change Your Thoughts
Instead of focusing in on the thoughts associated with guilty feelings like, “I should stop working,” replace the negative thoughts with something like, “I am a better mom because I work.” Consider what you are contributing to your family rather than what you may be missing.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
No one is perfect. We all have struggles; some just hide them better. One of my friends refers to Facebook as “fakebook.” You have to remember that it is a highlight reel, not reality. Stop worrying about everyone else and just do you. Do what is important to you and what makes you and your children happy. That is all that matters at the end of the day.
Take Time for You
Someone once made a comment to me that she doesn’t go to the gym because she doesn’t want to take time away from her kids. It was intended to make me feel guilty because I was talking about how I love to go to the gym most days of the week. But I won’t feel guilty for that. I do a lot for my boys, and I think that taking one hour for myself makes me a better mom— not to mention it makes me healthier so that I can be around longer. So, what fills you and makes you happy and helps you to recharge? It is not selfish to do that. It is imperative. You can’t pour water from an empty pitcher so do what fills you up!
Time Block
There are only so many hours in a day, but if you time block you can make time for what is most important. Time blocking is simply scheduling time for each of the most important categories in your life that need to get done. This way you are focused on the task you blocked off and do not feel guilty that you should be doing anything else. You can time block work, family time, fitness time, couples time, etc.
I work from home so there are times when I felt guilty because I would be on my computer or phone and not playing with my boys. Then I realized that it is good for my kids to see me work. I may not spend as much “fun time” with them as a mom who doesn’t work, but I am showing them what it looks like to work hard—to go after your dreams and to never give up. I’m teaching them what it means to be successful.
I visited my son’s school when he was nine years old, and saw a bulletin board in the hallway where the kids drew themselves as superheros and wrote their superhero quote. My son wrote, “If you work hard and never give up, you can achieve anything.”
In that moment, I knew that I was doing a good job. Sure, there were times that I had to put them in front of the TV or allowed them to be on their iPads for far too long because I had to take a phone call. That was a source of a lot of guilt for me. But I now realize that there are benefits as well.
No one is perfect. Shouldn’t we show our kids that we are not perfect; we are just doing our best, and that is all that can be expected of anyone?
Remind yourself of that the next time you are struggling with mom guilt. Are you doing your best in the moment? Then that’s all you can do. As my son once said, “If you work hard and never give up, you can achieve anything.”
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